the art of sucking dick

Tonight, was girls night at the apartment because Jacob and Teddy were invited to a competitive beer pong game held by Gluck's fraternity. 

Charlotte, Paige, Elizabeth, and I sat in our living room sipping hot chocolate mixed with a shot of peppermint schnapps. Paige had something to confess, I could tell by the way she nervously eyed all of us. Normally, Paige was incredibly bubbly, either dancing to inaudible music only heard in her head or stressing out over an unimportant event. Jacob and Teddy often played practical jokes on her because she is too gullible not to play a prank on. She is often the girl in class who doesn't understand the assignment and asks the teachers a million questions a minute. Or in class, she appears to be furiously taking notes, but in reality, she is doodling pictures of her cat, Mr. Whiskers. She stresses more about the things she needs to do, rather than actually doing them, and I could tell, it was one of those times. "So, I need to confess something," Paige hesitantly commented as she lowered her cup onto the table. 

Elizabeth's sip turned into a slow smile, "Spill."

"Well, um, I don't know how to put this," Paige gulped, "You know Andrew, the guy I'm kinda seeing?" 

Charlotte, Elizabeth, and I started scooting to the end of our chairs. Paige and Andrew were specifically friends with benefits. They both didn't want the title as "boyfriend and girlfriend" because neither one of them wanted to address that issue. But, I could tell Paige craved that idea. Every time she talked to Andrew she would become uneasy and clumsy. The last time Andrew tried to kiss her at a party, she hit her head on a kitchen cabinet. Andrew had much more experience than Paige, so she was incredibly frightened to go farther with him than making out. Whenever things would get too heated she would exclaim, "I have to pee!" or if he hinted at a little hand action she would politely decline, raising her left hand in the air and stating, "I'm on the wrong side, I can't do that now..." 

Paige took a deep breath, "Well, I saw him over break. I well, I gave him head and it was the worst experience of my life! I learned my lesson and I am never doing it again! I almost died, I nearly chocked on his trouser snake! I had to bust out my inhaler because I had an asthma attack."

By Paige's expressions and high defensiveness of her actions,  it appeared as if she had just been caught by the nuns at her Catholic high school smoking pot in her school bathroom. She couldn't even look us in the eyes because she was so upset. 

Elizabeth bursted out in laughter, "Honey, it get easier the more you do it. You just need to practice and pretty soon you will be the princess of seven inch pleasure in no time. Just let your mouth relax." 

Paige quickly replied, "Elizabeth, if you're such an expert at mastering the one-eyed monster with your mouth, please share with us." 

Elizabeth's eyes slowly narrowed, "Paige, the art of sucking dick is all about covering your teeth. I mean, you can't sharpen a pencil with sandpaper. It's a smooth, gradual bobbing motion to get a pencil to a perfect point." 

Elizabeth began to lecture the group on the importance and look of proper mouth action. Charlotte and I couldn't help but laugh as we watched Elizabeth's head bob up and down as she demonstrated on a banana sitting on the coffee table. The door opened, and Elizabeth turned around to see Teddy, Jacob, and Brian standing in the doorway. "Hey," Jacob giggled as he realized what was going on, "Do you want me to bring in a camera?" 

Elizabeth stood up and straightened her skirt, "Oh, no, Jacob," she grinned, "Pictures don't even capture my expertise of the sperm shuttle route."

"I understand," Jacob replied, "But the next stop will always be your mouth."

Elizabeth ignored Jacob's last comment and turned to Brian,  "Brian, could I talk to you for a minute, in my room?"

Brian nodded and she led him away to her room. It was almost like watching Hansel running towards the witch's candy house. For Brian, it appeared to be good news judging by Elizabeth's little demonstration to the girls, however, little did he know, he would never get to Elizabeth's candy. I looked over and saw Teddy gazing at Charlotte from the corner of his eye and I dragged him into the kitchen by the sleeve of his t-shirt. 

"Teddy," I confessed, "Your vagina is showing, woman. You can't hide behind comic books and indie music forever. Sorry to be so blunt with you, but you need to go talk to her. This has gone on for too long." 

Teddy shook his head, "What do I say? Be my Cyrano de Bergerac, help me out. I'm going to sound like an idiot." 

That's not true," I insisted, pushing him towards the door, "She thinks you're cute. Just be yourself, show those pearly whites, and you're in the clear." 

With a final shove, he was standing in the living room alone with Charlotte. Jacob knew what was going on when he saw Teddy trip into the living room, and Jacob whispered to Paige, "We should get going."

Paige, obviously confused, asked, "Why? It's not like anything is going to-"

Jacob pulled her into the kitchen before she could finish. Teddy uneasily approached Charlotte and said, "hi".

Unfortunately, I could barely hear the conversation because Paige, Jacob, and I were fighting over who could be next to the door. After a few seconds, we would push each other away from the door and fight who had the next turn. It appeared everything was going well, because whenever I would discreetly poke my head into the living room, she would either be touching his arm affectionately or they would be laughing. After we heard the front door shut, Jacob and I ran towards Teddy, jumping up and down like two kids begging for candy from their mother. "So how did it go?" I questioned, "Do you really like her? Does she like you? I should call her?"

Jacob cut me off before I could finish asking, "So?"

Teddy just gave us a goofy smile and walked towards the kitchen, however, before we could follow him, we saw Brian trudging to the front door. He didn't even say good-bye to us as he closed the door. Elizabeth popped out of her room and went to the kitchen to grab some ice cream. Teddy began dancing with Paige in the kitchen and it was obviously good news. "Is that a victory dance?" Jacob cheered as he joined in on the action. 

"Indeed it is," Teddy hinted as he twirled Paige around, "Wednesday afternoon I have a lunch date with Charlotte." 

"Great." Elizabeth mocked, "At least I'm not the only one in the house getting ass. Tomorrow Gluck is going to come over for some dinner, so I suggest you guys vacate the house or hide in your rooms from 8- 9:30."

I began to grind my teeth in anger. Tomorrow, Gluck will get another showing of Elizabeth's skills, this time, not on a banana in our living room.