"Do you still wanna get coffee?" He asked.
I nodded and he gave me a little grin. I could barely recognize him when he walked towards me. It appeared that Gluck was embracing the stress of finals week as well as mustache march and was allowing his facial hair to take it's natural course. In a matter of months, he will most likely look like the Brawny man.
As we walked to the campus coffee shop, all we could talk about was the test. Whenever you can only talk about school or a class you have in common with someone, that's how you know you feel uncomfortable with them. I had to change the topic of the conversation, discussing school for more than five minutes is the kiss of death. He opened the door to the coffee shop and we both ordered our drinks. As we sat down at a table I blurted out, "So, Gluck, how's the frat?" I leaned back in my chair, expecting an elaborate answer.
"Oh, it's good," Gluck grinned, "I mean, I had to be in it..."
I gave him a puzzled look. What did he mean by that?
"My brother was in the frat," Gluck answered, "He was sort of a legend because he was president. Since it was hazing week, the guys made me flash my womb raider to the crowd. The guys picked you out for the free show because they said you were really chill and wouldn't take an incident like that seriously. They talk really highly of you."
How nice, frat guys talk highly of me. So I guess this means they are not calling me a whore behind my back? Oh joy.
This always happens to me, guys consistently forget the fact that I'm a woman with womanly needs and issues. I think beers gross, I like wearing makeup, and I have shoulder boulders on my chest. I wear pants in which it's impossible to fit a skin flute inside, yet I'm classified as "one of the guys" because they feel that I'm "cool" without trying... even though I try really hard.
"But, they never told me how cute you were," Gluck slyly added, taking a sip of coffee.
CUTE? Cute is a puppy in a red wagon, a Lisa Frank folder, or your 3 year old niece with a lisp. I'm so happy he's comparing my womanliness to a Lisa Frank unicorn.
For the first time on our coffee "date" I was completely speechless. Was I supposed to call him cute back? Did he want me to tell him he's "sexy" or something a little more manly? Or should I pluck a line from a Spice Girls song, stand on a table and declare to the entire coffee shop, " If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends, make it last forever, friendship never ends. If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give, taking is too easy but that's the way it is."
Unfortunately, I did neither of those two ideas. As soon as I saw Teddy, my other house mate, enter the coffee shop, I nearly toppled over the table jumping towards him. "Teddy!" I exclaimed, pushing my chair aside, "What are you doing here?"
Teddy weakly smiled at me and waved. "Just doing a little study session," he replied, "I'm meeting up a few people from my section to go over astronomy."
"Well, you should come sit with Gluck and I for a bit," I insisted, "You're a little early arn't you? Don't you want to take a load off those Asian bride feet and make a new friend in the process?
Teddy shrugged his shoulders, "I gue-"
"Great!" I interrupted as I snatched a chair from a nearby table.
I could see the disappointment on Gluck's face as I brought Teddy over to the table. Teddy sat down and nervously sipped on his latte. Teddy's hands were sweating uncontrollably due to the agonizing silence at the table. I could feel the chat chunks bubbling inside of me, wanting to fix the tension. "Happy first day of spring!" I announced, throwing my hands into the air. My expressions were so overdone that to the passerby, it might have looked like I was congratulating them on their first born.
"Yeah I really enjoy Spring," Teddy added, "It's the perfect time to go birdwatching."
I discretely slapped my forehead with my hand. I hope Gluck doesn't...
"Bird watching?" Gluck questioned
...ask.
Teddy placed his cup on the table. "Birdwatching is the very best kind of fun. Its easy, inexpensive, healthful, and satisfying. I just bought the Vortex binoculars which make good optics and have an amazing warranty. Just the other day I saw..." He paused as he noticed his study group pushing together tables for their finals review.
"Well, I better get going," Teddy said, "See you back at the house and nice meeting you. Oh, you should come by tomorrow for our Mexican food night, if you're free." Teddy nudged me as he left, thinking that I was too shy to invite Gluck over to our apartment.
Stupid Teddy. Stupid, stupid Teddy. If I wanted a guy to invade the apartment, I would take my clothes off. This was a disaster. I couldn't even hold a conversation with Gluck for ten minutes and now he's most likely going to show up to our sacred friday Mexican food/ end of finals celebration!
I hope Gluck drinks too much at his frat party and doesn't remember.
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