love is a battlefield

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Jacob smiled as he tried to comfort me. "I know you and Elizabeth are best friends, but you really should talk to her. If girls share everything, why can't they share how they really feel?"

"Jacob, you don't get it," I replied, moving the hair out of my eyes. To be honest, I didn't even get it. I am way too scared to talk to Elizabeth on that kind of level because once you discuss one negative incident, it usually explodes into a much bigger issue. "Girls are much more complicated than that. It's not a big deal. I mean, he's just some guy."

"Okay, I'll drop it," he frowned.

Jacob is one of the few people I have just met and feel as though I can really trust. He is incredibly intelligent and is always reporting the news to me every morning. His knowledge about overseas affairs, the presidential campaign, and current events, outshines most people. However, individuals do not see the intellectual side of Jacob at first because they are usually distracted by the three bongs around his room. 

"Well, I'll see you back at the apartment," I said, "Have fun in class." 

Jacob waved goodbye and I trekked back to the apartment. As soon as I opened the door I heard Elizabeth shout, "Teddy, get the fuck out of the kitchen!" 

Then, I saw a frightened Teddy back away from a plate of cookies on the table. "I just wanted one, Liz. I mean, it's not like you guys are going to eat an entire plate of cookies..." 

"Just stop messing with everything," Elizabeth snapped, "You're so clumsy most of the time." 

"It's that time of the month isn't it, Liz?" Teddy sympathetically consoled as he grabbed a cookie, "Want to grab some ice cream and watch Pretty Woman?"

Elizabeth began to grind her teeth, "Yes it is. I'm just really stressed out. Happy?" 

Teddy grinned, grabbed another cookie, and went into his room. Elizabeth sat at the table and put her head down. I knew she wanted my help, and I had to aid her. Even if she can be a complete bitch, she's my best friend no matter what. "Hey Elizabeth, why don't you go get ready and I'll clean the living room?" 

Elizabeth's head perked up, "Thanks. You are such a good friend." 

I've been hearing that "You're such a good friend" thanks ever since I can remember. It all started when Elizabeth spilled her Halloween candy all over the street in second grade and I gave her half of mine because well, that's a best friend thing to do. I still don't know how to respond to the "You're such a good friend" comment because at first, I'm flattered but then a realize, I'm actually flatter than a doormat. 

I began to tidy up the living room when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Gluck was standing before me. Trendy sunglasses were perched on top of his head and he was obnoxiously chewing on a piece of gum. His blank expression turned into a slow smile as he gave me a head nod. 

"Hey, Gluck," I gulped. 

Butterflies were attacking my stomach and I continued to stand awkwardly at the door. We continued to stare at each other until my dear Elizabeth broke the silence with a screeching, "Hey baby". 

Elizabeth appeared in the doorway in a crotch length mini skirt and a top from Baby Gap. I could tell he was about to say something along the lines of "you look amazing" but she already knew that. I realized that her grand appearance was my exit so I gave a wave goodbye to Gluck and I said something along the lines of, "Hope you guys have fun."

I could hear them cuddling in the living room, munching on cookies and mouthing each other. I started doing my homework and blasting music, hoping the kissing noises would disappear. 

Soon, I heard a knock on the door. Elizabeth didn't answer it, so I assumed she was in her room letting Gluck's magic wand touch her wizard's sleeve. I opened the door and Brian was standing there. Brian, the guy who saw my anus shoot a lazar light show, Brian. He gave me a weak, "hi."

"Oh, hello," I choked, "I can get Elizabeth, if you want. Just wait her and I can go-"

Brian cut me off, "I didn't come to see her, I came to see you."

Great, he wanted to come in and rub in the fact that I fart, what an asshole. I crossed my arms across my chest, ready to pounce. 

"We should sit for this," He sighed, leading me to the living room couch. I sat down and faced him. He seemed really worried, I didn't understand what was going on. "Brian, what's up?" I asked, placing my hand in between us, attempting to comfort him. 

"See, I..." He started but then he didn't finish. 

I scooted closer, what was going on? 

Before I knew it, Brian leaned in for the kill. I didn't have time to dodge his lips or turn for him to kiss my cheek.  Was I supposed to enjoy this? My hands were glued to the couch, gripping it even tighter as he moved closer. This was the most uncomfortable moment of my life. I can't believe this kiss beat the time I fell during my 6th grade school choir picture in which I took the entire choir down with me. I was standing at the top of the choir bleachers when suddenly, I lost my balance. As I was falling, I pulled the girl next to me and she pulled the person in front of her. It was a huge chain reaction that ended with our picture just showing an empty set of bleachers and tiny black shoes sticking up from behind. Before I could say anything along the lines of "What the fuck was that all about you dick face" Elizabeth walked in. 

I quickly jumped off the couch, "Brian came over to tell me something." 

Elizabeth's eyes darted towards Brian, who then also jumped off the couch, in the opposite direction of me. "I just wanted to tell her something." he insisted.

Elizabeth didn't say one word and went back to her room. 

I turned towards Brian, "What the fuck is up with you?"

Brian looked away from me, "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I, I, well, I really like your company. I was so relieved when Elizabeth broke things off because then I realized who I really like." 

"You have terrible timing," I tried to laugh, but it seemed impossible, "Can we talk tomorrow, please?"

He nodded and said his goodbye, trying to go for another kiss. Luckily, with my sharp reflexes, I looked away before he leaned in. 

Elizabeth didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I still don't know when I should talk to her or if she ever wants to talk to me ever again.