google me

I opened the door to my apartment to find Teddy, Jacob, Ryan, and Brian huddled around a computer. I tried to discretely dash to my room to avoid Brian, due to the dreadfully awkward kiss a few weeks ago. He's called me a twice, but I have either rejected the call or told him I was going to call him back. Now, there was no way I could not talk to him, due to the fact he was hanging out with my house mates, Teddy and Jacob. "Google me!" I heard Ryan laugh as Teddy typed in his name. 

In a matter of milliseconds, anything associated with Ryan's name popped up on the screen. "You were a national merit scholar? What the fuck did you get on your SATs?" Brian exclaimed. 

"Like a 2200 or something. This college offered me basically a full ride," Ryan grinned as he took a hit of the bong, "I'm just a good test taker, you know."

Ryan passed the bong to Jacob and he took a hit. "For me, I just know how to manage my time." Jacob smiled as he exhaled the smoke from his mouth.

"Is Elizabeth still mad at me?" Teddy asked as he slowly turned towards me, "I know they used to be friends, but Vanessa has changed, come on, you must have noticed." 

"Just go talk to her," I answered, "I still don't know how I feel about Vanessa."

"Alright, we're going to google you next!" Ryan interrupted as Teddy typed in my name on the laptop. 

My eyes widened, I couldn't have them know my secret! Before I could pull a mission impossible and dive in front of the laptop to block Teddy's finger's from hitting the keys, Google had done its work. "What the..." Jacob's voice trailed off. 

"I can explain!" I yelled, snatching the laptop before they did any investigating on their own. "I was- I was- I was in a children's pop group, Auntie Poo & the Porta-Potties, and we made a pop potty training CD. Our hit CD, which won us a kid's choice award, was "Potty Animal". I knew you guys would find out sooner or later..."

The guys looked at me blankly and in a matter of seconds each of them burst out in laughter. "You mean, you sung about shit?" Ryan giggled. 

"Hold up," Teddy grinned, trying to hold back his tears of laughter, "Your hit single was 'Flush the Magic Dragon'?" 

"Well, we were very established," I tried to reassure them, "I was in a kid's choir. Give me a fucking break."

They continued to laugh and explore the old website. I've decided to come clean about this chapter in my life. You too can go to the site. Please, don't judge me. I was five at the time and I had no idea that this little incident would haunt me for the rest of my life. It's almost like having a one hit wonder, except for the fact no one recognizes me. 

In the fit of their giggles, I thought I had escaped to my room, however, Brian was close behind me. "Oh, hello," I uneasily muttered, "Have fun looking at the site?"

Brian replied, "Of course I did. After a hit like 'Everything's Gonna Come Out Just Fine', how could I not? Listen, are you free this weekend to grab lunch?"

I scanned my brain for something to do this weekend. I didn't want to hangout with Brian, I have no interest in him whatsoever. How did he not understand the fact that I was deliberately avoiding him at all costs? Is he really that much of an idiot? 

"I'm free," I said, without hesitation. 

Brian leaned in for a hangout conformation kiss, but I dodged his lips by replacing it with a lifeless hug. Jesus, I am such a bitch.